Great Expectations: Soulmates and Romance

Soulmates are a popular topic in American culture. The notion that there is one perfect romantic match for everyone and that once you find that soulmate you will get married and live happily every after. The criteria for being a soulmate is based on more material and value compatibility over spirituality of course. If, after the fullness of time, one or the other partner evolves in a different direction and the relationship fails, the match is rebranded. Maybe they were not soulmates after all. Soulmates are perfection in this life and every other life.

It’s an idea that has driven me across my whole life. A relationship, especially romantic relationship Holy Grail. Find that one guy. Get married – at any cost. Get the fairy tale. He’s out there and if I don’t have him in my life and in my bed, then I’ve clearly done something wrong.

But recently, perhaps because I’m an Empath and a very spiritual (though not religious) person, this whole soulmate stuff comes into question for me. What if that soul I’ve been sensing across the years when the world is quiet and I’m able to meditate, what if he in this current incarnation is not the perfect mate for me? What if my soul mate is someone I travel with from life to life, but not always harmoniously? I can feel directionally he isn’t American nor located in the United States – the pull is eastward, across the Atlantic Ocean. That’s a whole different culture, maybe a different language, and certainly a different political mind set. He could disagree with me on every political issue and have a completely different way of doing things.

And then there are the little things that never get acknowledged as important in relationships. Styles in housekeeping. Frequency and degree of clutter and cleaning. Tolerance for household chaos created by animals and children. Even the color of paint on walls and how many and type of things hung on the walls. Little stuff that add up and end up mattering a lot when you live with someone.

All this stuff can mean that someone is not a good fit to share the same living space as you. As much as you may love someone, love is not the same as being able to harmoniously live with someone.

I care greatly for my best mate in Glasgow – but our living styles in our homes are so different that we would never succeed as roommates.

Instead of promoting this myth of soulmates meaning perfectly and eternally compatible in all things, maybe we should give ourselves some grace and change our expectations. Love without demanding. Allow our relationships to run their course without second guessing or rebranding in hindsight. We can travel from life to life with beloved souls without always getting along and without always having romantic and sexual relationships with them. Sometimes it’s the friendships that make the most impact and offer us the most love and acceptance, not the marriages and romances.

Instead of looking for that “soulmate” maybe we need to give ourselves the personal grace to just be ourselves. No pressure. No demands. Just caring for each other.

Food Related Items to Pack for Your Next Trip

I love to travel probably way beyond my financial and logistical capacity. After all, I do have my feathered friends who need care every day. Likewise, despite my pestering, Amtrak, United Airlines, and American Airlines still refuse to all birds on board. This means that when I’m finally able to move back east, I will have to use private ground transportation.

This does not mean, however, that I don’t constantly prepare for that next trip, both domestic and international. Both my under seat carry on suitcase and my toiletry bag are usually filled with all those little items that you always need but typically get forgotten when you are in the middle of packing for a trip.

Here are helpful food-related items I pack that are not on most peoples’ packing lists. And while this list is focused on travel by plane and train, all or nearly all of this applies to lunches you bring from home and eat at school or work as well.

Food-related items to pack:

Salt/pepper shakers:

Whether you are packing for one or twelve, you will at some point need salt and/or ground pepper. Rubbermaid makes some excellent options for families and extended trips of more than a week. But if you are travelling alone or simply packing a work or school lunch, carrying around 2-3 ozs of salt is way more than you need and takes up precious space you probably could use for other things – like your baggage scale. Instead, shop the camping section of Amazon, Walmart, etc. and you will find smaller, more compact options.

In 2022, I found this little set on sale and snatched it up. It holds about a teaspoon and a half of salt or salt alternative or finely ground pepper when I measured it. Each side is about 1 inch tall and 7/8″ diameter. For one or two people, this is more than enough for a trip lasting less than 2 weeks. Very purse or lunch box friendly. I take it with me every time I plan on eating out with one or both sides filled with low-sodium salt and/or a salt alternative or pepper. Water tight and easy to use.

Sugar/sugar alternative packets:

In 2000 when I moved from the Midwest to New Jersey, it was easy to simply fill a small tupperware container with use and slip into my carry-on on case I needed a cup of coffee. Today every white foodstuff you bring through government screenings are treated as possible contraband. The easiest work around is simply to pack branded packets that government screenings can readily recognize as sugar/sugar alternative.

Instant Coffee Packets

Just like sugar/sugar alternatives, coffee needs to travel in branded containers if you want smooth sailing during government screenings. Fortunately you can buy both regular and decaf instant coffee in easy-to-use single serving packets that slip easily into your carry-on. These are much cheaper than buying coffee at the airport or train station. A few months ago when i last shopped for travel coffee at Walmart I found boxes of about 6 packets for less than $2, depending on the style of coffee and the brand.

Silicone condiment containers

I am a recent convert to using silicone containers, especially for foodstuffs. For years I wouldn’t touch them. That is until this summer when I found some 2 oz containers at Dollar Tree for $1.25 each. Bought two and tried them out with some salad dressing and with some ice cream toppings. Now these are my favorite. Deals are to be had if you shop around for them. Don’t settle for the high prices you find on Amazon. Here your local dollar store is your friend. I have two and going back to look for more!

Just remember when using these that on international trips that in most cases anything with meat, dairy, or eggs is not allowed to cross international borders. Transport anything with meat, dairy, and/or eggs in a disposable container, preferably a branded one with the ingredient list on it, so you can throw any remaining quantities out on the plane or train before you arrive.

Cutlery:

It should seem obvious, but sometimes you need a fork, spoon, or knife. Disposable plastics are terrible for the environment. That’s why I have a set of reusable plastic picnic/camping cutlery (spoon, butter knife, and fork) and also a similar set made of bamboo. Both options clear government screening. And while steak knives can be brought through in checked baggage, I had TSA open my checked bag back in 2010 and put a card in there about the knives because I brought them. I was flying in for a medieval reenactment and needed full feast gear. Clearly anything metal, even when allowed by the rules, makes TSA unhappy. If you can find a way to avoid bringing knives for your picnic or camping trip, please do!

Shopping hint: I found my bamboo cutlery at Rite Aid in their summer clearance section in 2022 for $1 each.

Cloth Napkins

While paper napkins are helpful in travel and convenient because you can throw them away, they are not very environmentally friendly, especially as cutting down trees – any trees – only aggravates the climate crisis. For myself, I prefer to use cloth napkins, even when I travel. It’s a habit I likely picked up during my years as a SCAdian when meals were all bring-your-own cutlery and tableware. Napkins are actually very easy to make and can be hand sewn for much less money than machine made.

Beverage Containers:

Whether it’s a refillable bottle for water or a washable coffee mug, be sure to pack at least one beverage container for your trip. You never know when you will need it.

Food of course is only one element to your trip. Next week I’ll discuss the other, non-food items that you really should pack when traveling (and probably are not).

Remember that TSA and customs agents tend to trust items that are in branded packaging over those in those clear, blank refillable travel containers. A white powder or a clear liquid could be absolutely anything as far as they are concerned. Save yourself some time and potential hassles by using or reusing those branded bottles/packaging, especially for things that are not obvious by looking at them.

Language Switching and why I do it so much

If you are a fan of the Legendary Women of World History biographies or period dramas, you have no doubt noticed that I tend to bounce around languages a great deal, sometimes at the expense of being directly understandable in a given point in the book.  So why do I do it and why will I not simply put the whole damn thing in English like normal people do?

In a word, PARALINGUISTICS.  Paralinguistics is a social science term for the parts of verbal communication that are not inherent in the meaning of the words we use.  Paralinguistics is the HOW of our speech: its melody, its pace, its inflection and so forth.  Dialect and specific word choice is also paralinguistic. It conveys to listeners a great deal of information about a person and in particular information about gender, ethnicity, place of birth, place of residence, socio-economic class, even race sometimes.  Different places have different names for the same thing.

The labels we use for objects varies greatly with our geography and our dialect. A classic example of this is our word for a sweetened carbonated beverage.

One classic example I studied in university in my “non-verbal communication” class was the word we use to refer to a sweetened carbonated beverage. No, it is not the same word everywhere.  In the southern United States, the word “coke” is used to refer to such beverages, regardless of brand (I heard this myself during my stay in Louisville, Kentucky).  In many Midwestern states such as Nebraska where I was born and raised, the word is “pop.”  In New England the preferred word is “soda” which is the word I default to. In fact I often very purposely avoid the word “pop,” much to the annoyance of my now late mother who complained that I “didn’t talk like a Nebraskan.” That’s because I had so thoroughly adjusted my dialect to what is normal in the greater New York City metropolitan area that I no longer sounded like someone from the Midwest.

Is it a crawdad, crawfish, or crayfish?  The word you use is largely determined by where you are from.

Beyond geography, our paralinguistics tell listeners a great deal about our socio-economic status and education.  A person with a third grade education talks differently than a person with a university degree.  A person who has traveled a great deal also talks differently from a person who has never left her own town or village. The languages one speaks is a powerful communicator of this information and how that person is perceived.  As a rule, speaking multiple languages is a mark of education, travel, and often class.  It tells you very concisely who that person is and what her or his background is.

No where is this more evident than in the use of honorifics.

What is an honorific?  It’s a word we use to convey respect to another person.  A classic example is when we address a judge “your honour” and a member of a royal family as “Your Majesty” or “Your Highness.” In medieval societies it was especially important to show proper respect with these honorifics which include “your grace,” “my lord/milord,” “my lady/milady,” “my liege,” “sire,” “master,” “mistress,” and so forth.

Honorifics in the Legendary Women of World History biographies almost always follow the person’s nationality or adopted nationality.  So Princess Nest ferch Gruffydd respectfully greets King Gruffydd ap Cynan with the Welsh “f’arglwydd” which means “milord.” Use of “f’arglwydd” (or its feminine form “f’arglwyddes”) instantly tells you the speaker is Welsh. Likewise French Princess Catherine de Valois (book two) periodically speaks French, both to her family members and to the monolingual King Henry V, particularly during their many arguments.

When Matilda of England returns to London after the death of her husband, Kaiser Heinrich V, her persistent use of German and German forms of people’s names is there to tell you very concisely that she identifies herself as “empress” (German, Kaiserin; Latin, Imperatrix).  This is absolutely historical and it is a major reason why the Anglo-Norman nobility found her impossible to work with. Using German powerfully conveys how Matilda saw herself and how she insisted on being treated.

The use of language therefore tells you who the person is and how s/he self-identifies.  The actual meaning of the individual words is far less important than what the use of them says about the person as a whole and in the given moment.  Queen Elizabeth Tudor spoke at least six languages and therefore very fluently moved across them as she desired and the situation merited.  The immediate descendants of William the Conqueror spoke both English and French with the same fluency as many Canadians do today.  By necessity they used English, French, and Latin in the day-to-day administration of their vast realms.  Medieval Europeans prayed in Latin so all of the prayers found in the LWWH are in Latin as well.

Language switching in the Legendary Women of World History series is therefore essential in accurately communicating who these people were and the societies in which they lived.  It might be easier to render a prayer in English from a reader point of view, but it would not be historically accurate to do so. It might be more comfortable for some readers if all dialogue were in English, but doing so would strip out all of the paralinguistics that we all use everyday when communicating with other people.  It would be akin to writers universally using the word “coke” to refer to a soft drink without considering if that word is what a historical person or character would actually label the beverage.  A person from the southern United States most certainly would — but not all people in the United States are from the southern region nor are all English speakers from that region either.

 

Whether we realize it or not our word choices are an essential part of our daily communication.  More than simply which words we use, our dialects and use of borrowed words from other languages communicates a great deal about who we are to people.  Fluency in many languages is driven by many factors in our lives:  social, economic, educational, and professional to name just a few. How we speak is a major part of the tapestry of our lives.  Embrace that tapestry in your own life and use your understanding of it to enhance your understanding of other people.

 

 

 

Death and Taxes: Lessons Learned

Death and Taxes are the two things no one can avoid. While taxes is something we face every year, the death of a parent is something we face only once or twice, depending on our family situation. As I found out with the 2016 death of my mother, our knowledge of how to handle taxes after the death of a parent or other close loved one is very limited.

Despite all the information out there online on both subjects individually, I found it all extremely confusing as I tried to navigate that complexity of what happens with your taxes when someone close to you dies.  Tax law is very complicated and tax guidance is even more complicated. No one wants the liability of telling you anything just in case what they tell you does not apply to you. In most cases, people want you to spend massive amounts of money consulting with attorneys and tax professionals instead of giving you the most basic advice.  It’s akin to a nurse not telling me to run cold water on a burn and sending me to the hospital (at a delay of hours) when my hair caught fire blowing out candles when I was in university. The burn gets worse by not taking immediate action.

The following is what I learned filing my 2016 taxes.  My situation may be different from yours. You may have a more complicated tax situation than I did. What follows is some simple advice from my tax filing as equal beneficiary to my brother who was the executor on her estate.

Taxes to be paid:

• The executor of the state must file Federal and State income taxes for the deceased. If the deceased has no tax liability, that is fine. But the returns must be filed on behalf of the deceased.
• If deceased owns her home at time of death and it is to be sold, sell the home as quickly as possible to reduce tax liability and simplify your tax situation. Same for any other property that is usually taxed upon sale.  If you are not keeping the property for the long term, you make your life easier by selling it as soon as possible.
• If you inherit any annuities or retirement funds, those funds are taxable by the Federal government if they were tax-deferred plans such as 401K, traditional IRA, etc. Pre-pay that tax before you receive any funds if at all possible.  It may not always be possible to pre-pay the taxes so ask the financial institutions involved about it.

The more you pre-pay taxes, the easier filing your return becomes. In this it is no different than when you choose fewer tax deductions as you are working and thus have more taxes taken out of each check as you earn. When the tax season hits, a refund is easier to handle than a big tax bill. Err on the side of caution and pay as much tax as you can before you receive funds from the estate so you don’t over spend and find yourself unable to pay those taxes when the bill arrives.

Now here is the good news:  what is NOT taxable:

• Cash, savings, checking, and certificate of deposit funds.  That is because the deceased already paid income taxes on those funds.  You do not report these funds to the IRS.  It’s your money.
• Proceeds from the sale of a home if the executor has paid all applicable taxes up front.  In the common case of a home being sold and its funds being dispersed to multiple beneficiaries, those beneficiaries do not pay taxes on it nor do they claim those funds as income because all taxes have already been paid.  For example:  a home sells for $100,000.  After taxes, attorney fees, and other closing costs the net sale is $80,000.  The Will specifies two beneficiaries which then each receive $40,000. The $40,000 received is not taxable because it’s the net after taxes are paid. The beneficiary does not pay tax on the $40,000; the money stays off the tax return.

 

My mother and me during a 2001 visit as part of the studio audience for Good Morning America.  This is us with anchor Charles Gibson, one of my mother’s favourite celebrities.

Now of course I’m not a lawyer.  I am not a tax professional. I’m a historian and an author from a humble background.  My mother was not a rich, glamourous person.  She was a teacher before I was born and a factory worker and retail clerk for most of her working life after I was born. She was very average, living paycheck to paycheck and doing creative things to keep us fed and with some sort of roof over our heads.  So her estate was not massive and there were no capital gains taxes that I needed to concern myself with.

Maybe this blog post is useless. But maybe it helps you too.  I stressed out for MONTHS over the tax consequences of my mother’s death. I smartly put 30% of my inheritance into a high yield savings account (I switched to Ally Bank to maximize those earnings) in part because I was terrified that I was going to have to pay nearly everything I inherited back to the government.  I did not. A tax professional explained to me what I just posted and set my mind at ease.  I hope this post does the same for you.

Rest in peace mom. May you find joy in your new incarnation and the love you never found in this life.

A Parrot Thanksgiving

December 2004. Mithril (left) and Aragorn (right) sit in my Yule tree.  That year Mithril’s hobby was throwing the collector ornaments out of the tree — especially my Princess Leia from the original Star Wars.

Way back in 2004 the following circulated on social media.  I always call it “A Parrot Thanksgiving” but its original title was “How to Stuff Your Turkey On Thanksgiving.”

Whatever you call it, this is what nearly all of us with birds experience over the holidays.
————————
HOW TO STUFF YOUR TURKEY ON THANKSGIVING

Ingredients:
1 Turkey
Stuffing
Sweet Potatoes
Mashed Potatoes with Gravy
Green Beans
Cranberry Sauce
Hot rolls and Butter
Relish tray
Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream
Hot Coffee

Get up early in the morning & have a cup of coffee. It’s going to be a
long day, so place your Parrot on a perch nearby to keep you company
while you prepare the meal.

Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.

Prepare stuffing, and remove Parrot from edge of stuffing bowl and
return him to perch.

Stuff turkey & place it in the roasting pan, and remove Parrot from
edge of pan and return him to perch.

Have another cup of coffee to steady your nerves.

Remove Parrot’s head from turkey cavity and return him to perch, and
re-stuff the turkey.

Prepare relish tray, and remember to make twice as much so that you’ll
have a regular size serving after the Parrot has eaten his fill.

Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.

Prepare cranberry sauce, discard berries accidentally flung to the
floor by Parrot.

Peel potatoes, remove Parrot from edge of potato bowl and return him to perch.

Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan & cover with brown sugar & mini marshmallows.

Remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to perch. Replace
missing marshmallows.

Brew another pot of coffee. While it is brewing, clean up the torn
filter. Pry coffee bean from Parrot beak.

Have another cup of coffee & remove Parrot from kitchen counter and
return him to perch.

When time to serve the meal: Place roasted turkey on a large platter,
and cover beak marks with strategically placed sprigs of parsley.

Put mashed potatoes into serving bowl, rewhip at last minute to
conceal beak marks and claw prints.

Place pan of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget presentation as
there’s no way to hide the areas of missing marshmallows.

Put rolls in decorative basket, remove Parrot from side of basket and
return him to perch. Also remove beaked rolls, serve what’s left.

Set a stick of butter out on the counter to soften – think better and
return it to the refrigerator.

Wipe down counter to remove mashed potato claw tracks.

Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to perch.

Cut the pie into serving slices.

Wipe whipped cream off Parrot’s beak and place large dollops of
remaining whipped cream on pie slices.

Whole slices are then served to guests, beaked-out portions should be
reserved for host & hostess.

Place Parrot inside cage & lock the door.

Sit down to a nice relaxing dinner with your family accompanied by
plaintive cries of “WANT DINNER!” from the other room.

An Easter meditation learned from cockatiels

Ostara nest altar courtesy of Homes 4 Her. 

The egg you are laid in can either be your 1st shelter or your tomb. It takes strength to hatch, be true yourself. Most people will crack the shell just enough to stay alive in the egg. They don’t want to hatch; it’s easier to stay in the shell. But staying in the shell is ultimately fatal; a baby bird will starve to death if she does not fully hatch.

 

Until you hatch, you cannot nourish yourself with anything more than that barest amount of food that was provided for you when your egg was laid. To fly, to be the bird that you are requires you hatch. Being a baby bird is not easy. Yes you might falter and die young. But death is certain if you do not hatch.

You are you. Dare to hatch, to be fully born as the beautiful being you are. Take chances. Remember: you were meant to fly.

Honoring Ostara, Easter: Simple Ways to Honor the Goddess of Spring and the Dawn

Originally published March 20th, 2012, this is a practical guide to the spring equinox celebration of Ostara.

Wicca is a predominately reconstructionist religion. That is, one of its aims is to redact the Old Religion practiced in pre-Christian Europe. One key way we do this is by recognizing the European cultural and religious traditions that were preserved-even if altered-through Roman Catholicism. A simple example of Old Religion traditions preserved by the Church and our culture at large include wearing costumes at Halloween, decorating with evergreens in December, and sunrise services for Resurrection Sunday (a better and more accurate name for “Easter,” the Christian version). These are all customs most people in the western world recognize; far fewer recognize their roots in pre-Christian European cultures.

No other holiday, besides Yuletide, has been preserved in regards to the old ways and the old stories as the holiday called Easter by Christians. The name Easter is a simple Anglicization of the Anglo-Saxon name “Ëostre,” the high German form being “Ostara.” As witchvox tells us (seehttp://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usma&c=holidays&id=1991), both forms of this name reference the idea of “East” in Germanic languages (modern German, Osten-note the connection with the Ostara form of the name), the direction of the dawn. Ostara is both goddess of the vernal equinox and goddess of the dawn.

But beyond simply telling the story about Ostara and her magical egg bearing hare and the gifts of flowers she bestowed on the faithful, beyond all the ideas so commercialized and so taken over by Christianity, how can we, who wish to honor the Old Religion, do so as we welcome spring this year? Here are a few ideas:

1. Greet the morning in which the equinox arrives by getting up at sunrise and watch the sun at dawn for some quiet time with nature.
2. Meditate and pray for balance and harmony-for yourself, those around you, and the world. This is a good day to pray for divine help in preserving endangered species and reversing global warming. The optimal time for this: the five minutes leading up to and after the exact moment of planetary equinox when the planet is in “the moment between moments and hour between hours” as I pray every year as part of this prayer. Pray outside touching a tree or plant if you can.
3. Bring in some colored flowers to your home and place in a spot where everyone will see them regularly.
4. Wear pastel clothing on the day of the astronomical spring equinox
5. Make and eat at least one colored boiled egg. Skip the commercial egg kits; a few drops of kitchen food coloring in boiling water with vinegar and extracted with a spoon is all you need!
6. Spend at least thirty minutes outdoors communing with nature.
7. Leave food offerings of thanksgiving for Ostara; the animals near you will be thankful!
8. Plant a tree, herb, or shrub
9. Drink a cup of lavender or lemon balm tea. Both herbs are associated with the holiday. Be sure you brew from culinary (aka English) lavender. If your preferred herb, spice, or tea retailer does not sell it, ask for it!
10. Integrate marjoram, lemon balm, culinary lavender, thyme, and/or sunflower seeds into a special holiday meal.

For more information on Ostara/Easter please consult: http://www.pagannews.com/cgi-bin/sabbats1.pl?Ostara , http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usma&c=holidays&id=1991, and http://earthwitchery.com/ostara.html.

Repost: 5 Simple Ways to Say No

A few days ago I received this fantastic article in my email about how to say “no” to people.  As women, most of us are trained to NOT say “no” no matter how badly we need to say it.  We are told we are selfish, arrogant, and so forth.  But “no” is the most important word any woman can say.

 

Here is Dharma Rose’s Advice on the matter:

“Do you find it hard to say “no”?

If so, you’re not alone.

Many people find themselves saying “yes” to things they don’t really want to agree to out of fear they’ll appear selfish or rude… or in an effort to avoid conflict or hurting another person’s feelings.

Saying “no” isn’t always easy, but it IS vital to your own self care.

You see, healthy people have healthy boundaries, and part of being healthy is occasionally saying no to requests, situations or people that you can’t or don’t want to accommodate.

Here are 5 simple ways that you can say no with ease, power and grace:

Tactic #1: The Full Plate

If you’re way too busy to accommodate the person’s request, let them know you’re slammed and that you simply have no time to fit what they’re asking you to do into your schedule.

“I’m sorry, I’d love to help you, but my schedule is crazy today/this week/this month and there’s no way I can fit this in.”

Tactic #2: The Think-About-It

If you’re not sure if you can fit the person’s request in, or if you’re dealing with someone who is super pushy, consider buying yourself a little time to think about what they’re asking of you and to get back to them on your own terms.

“Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”

Tactic #3: The Boomerang

Are you super busy? Or in the middle of something else? You can ask the person to come back to you later on when you have more time to listen to and consider their request.

“I’m in the middle of juggling a few things right now. Can you please ask me again in a couple of hours/days/weeks? I’ll have a bit more headspace then to consider what you’re asking.”

Tactic #4: The Counter Offer

If you can’t or don’t want to agree to the person’s request for whatever reason, but you’d still really like to help them out, consider making a counter offer for a lesser commitment that works better for you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you move on Saturday. But I CAN come by for a few hours to help you pack on Friday evening. Does that work?”

Tactic #5: The Firm No

The simplest way to say no is to simply… say no! You can be direct and let the person know that what they’re asking of you just doesn’t work for you, and you’ll be surprised how often people will respect a firm, direct no.

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

As you practice declining requests that don’t align with your schedule, values or needs, you’ll find that saying no becomes easier and easier…

And that you’ll have more time for yourself, the commitments you already have and the things that are most important to you.

Rock your day!

Dharma Rose
Abundant Entrepreneur

Eating Kosher: Why You Don’t Need to Be Jewish to Eat a (Largely) Kosher Diet

This April 10th, 2012 article explains exactly what kosher means for those of us not raised eating it.

 

You have been eating kosher all your life. You probably never realized it when your mom served you cookies, pickles, or even apple juice, but whether you are a Jew or a gentile, kosher has been part of your meals from the beginning. It’s everywhere in the supermarket, even if you were not paying attention to those little symbols like the capital “U” in a circle that is the trademark of the “Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations” certifying that a given food is kosher (see more on rabbinical kosher foods and the marks used to certify foods as such see,http://everything2.com/title/kosher+symbols). But if you really look for these symbols you will notice just how prolific kosher foods are at ordinary supermarkets throughout the U.S.

Then there are the Jewish grocery stores and specialty stores found in major cities featuring specific kosher brands many gentiles have never seen in stores before, much less tried. Whether it’s a Jewish bakery featuring every day breads and desserts, Jewish butchers, or even restaurants, you’ll find a dazzling array of kosher foods in major cities.

But, major supermarket brands aside, aren’t kosher foods just for Jews? Originally, perhaps-before pink slime, by-product laden convenience foods, and heavily processed boxed dinners full of ingredients even chemists have a hard time pronouncing! But as we strive to eat healthier and better control what we eat, I’ve discovered the kosher foods I ate by default in Midwood, Brooklyn have qualities that fit very well with my goals for a healthier, less processed diet:

Kosher foods are not made of by-products and garbage meats. By definition, skin, tendons, bones, and other garbage meats are not ground up and put in beef and chicken foods (even hotdogs) certified kosher. While these by-products often make their way into commercial pet foods, humans are specifically not allowed to eat these scrap, “pink-slime” components under rabbinical law.

To be certified kosher EVERY ingredient must comply with rabbinical rules. This limits the number of trace ingredients that are included as part of the processing and what sort of trace ingredients can be included. Kosher is therefore important for those with food allergies as it requires stricter labeling than currently required by the FDA, limiting allergen exposure risks.

Most fresh, whole fruits and vegetables are kosher. There is a reason you don’t buy apples or cranberries with a sticker on it certifying them as kosher. That is because fresh, whole fruits and vegetables are typically kosher. In fact, eating whole fruits and vegetables prepared at home in recipes is one of the easiest ways to keep kosher-but watch any non-fruit or vegetable ingredients like milk, butter, oils, or meats that you might add. Salad dressings can affect whether or not your otherwise veggies remain kosher. While absolute compliance is a non-issue for gentiles (and in fact many veggies a gentile expects to be kosher are not) and less of an issue for many reform Jews, it is helpful for everyone to think about what and how much we add to our fruits and vegetables as it is very easy to destroy many of the health benefits of eating whole fruits/vegetables.

Kosher foods taste good unto themselves. Most non-Jews have not considered eating hamatachen, charoset, challah, kosher sushi, or other distinctly kosher/Jewish foods, but like any other style of cuisine, there are delicious goodies to be found among kosher/Jewish cuisine. Walk into any Jewish bakery in Brooklyn and you will find breads, pastries, and desserts that no one can refuse. Don’t feel you need to be Jewish to indulge; most people who eat Mexican or Italian foods are neither Mexican nor Italian in heritage! Expand your palate!

Consider kosher foods for your pets. This may sound odd, but yes, there is such a thing as kosher pet food. As with human kosher foods, these foods avoid the by-products and junk foods we seen in many traditional brands. The need for strictly kosher pet foods is highly debated across rabbinical literature, but the consensus seems to be kosher pet food is mostly a non-issue except for observant Jews during Passover. At Passover, kosher food for pets is preferred.

Eating kosher is only mandatory for Jews, but with an open mind and a taste for enjoying a broad range of foods, gentiles can discover the healthy benefits and tasty delights of eating Kosher-Jewish cuisine–for you and your pet.

For more information, please see http://everything2.com/title/kosher+symbols, http://star-k.org/kashrus/kk-issues-pets.htm, http://www.evangersdogfood.com/kosher.php,http://www.star-k.org/kashrus/kk-passover-petfood.htm,http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/holidays/passover/charosetrecipes,http://www.oukosher.org/index.php/,http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Traditional-Hamantaschen-13706,http://www.epicurious.com/tools/searchresults?search=challah&x=24&y=13.

The Myth of Perpetual Trauma

Originally posted June 25th, 2012

“You really need to see a therapist” advises a perfect stranger responding to my comment on a news blog where I discuss the gross under-reporting of sex crimes and domestic violence. My remark is sociological in nature, referencing data I learned in my university education which included sociology, social psychology, and pre-counseling psychology courses. The person reading it regards my data as “angry” and “hurt” in nature and assumes that I am a survivor of some sort of domestic violence or sex crime who needs professional help.

She was correct in assessing that I survived something, but completely off-base in her assumption that surviving something automatically means that the person is so traumatized by the event(s) that she presently needs professional therapy. Knowing nothing else about me, she could not know my personal medical history, much less the details of the crimes, yet she felt it appropriate to stick her head into very private personal business. Her underlying assumption was “if victimized, then need help.”

As well-meaning as her intent was, it is faulty in its logic. Every single person and every crime is different. We each respond to the stressors in our lives differently.
Sometimes a stressor like domestic violence or rape un-nerves us, undermining our capacities to live normal life. In these cases, it is probably advisable to seek professional help in getting back to a more productive mental state.

But the point of therapy is not to stay in therapy forever; the point of therapy is to get BETTER and NOT be in therapy any longer. The point of therapy is to HEAL – just as you heal from a physical wound. It is SUPPOSED to end; if no end is in sight, then the treatment isn’t working and a new therapist and/or approach is needed, just as you would do for any physical condition – like my chronic migraines where prescription drugs didn’t help, but a change to holistic therapy DID in reducing my physical pain.

Just as a stressor may unnerve us, it may equally INSPIRE us; we can and typically do respond to stress POSITIVELY. Surviving domestic violence or a sex crime often provokes us to make positive changes in our lives, allowing us to break destructive habits, increase in wisdom/insight, and grow deeper in our chosen spirituality. We learn from every experience in our lives; the most stressful events are generally the best teachers.

Despite living my life today with physical scars on my body that will never really go away from the crimes I suffered, I can honestly tell you that I would not change anything about my life, even and especially the mistakes I’ve made.
I am not less of a person. I am not weak for surviving criminal behavior. All of these experiences have given me insight, forced me to grow religiously, and developed inner resources and skills I would never have been able to. Through the crimes I suffered, I came to finally overcome several bad habits I’ve had that, in hindsight, have been rather self-destructive. Under the stress of coping with these hurtful events, I have discovered that I BLOSSOMED as an individual. My insights and understanding of the world is rooted in them.

Have I ever gone to therapy? Absolutely, many times over the course of my life, and using many different approaches. But therapy did its job: to help me cope and move on.

Surviving a crime is not a life sentence, no matter how brutal, horrible, or long-lasting. We all heal and move on. Surviving is not weakness, not something to be pitied. The strongest people in the world all survived some sort of serious trauma. Remember that next time you hear someone suffered something; odds are really good they are tougher inside than you are!

Witch in the City: Seven Tips for Adapting Polytheism to Urban Environments

April 21st, 2012

 

Many earth-centric religious traditions, including Wicca, help us connect deeply with nature with outdoor worship. But where green spaces are sparse or sometimes inconvenient to reach, how does a Wiccan or other polytheist find the balance? Here are things I’ve done over the years:

1. Use less fire and more water: instead of burning specific herbs, candles, or essential oils, mix them with water and disperse by libation or through a small spray bottle such as a travel sized pump bottle.
2. Barbecue grills at parks are your friend: when you do need to burn something for a prayer or ritual, consider travelling to a public park that offers a barbecue grill and light your fire in the grill space. This greatly reduces your fire risk and makes it easier to control your fire.
3. Use ponds, lakes, rivers, and streams for food sacrifices: one of my favorite rituals for holiday worship is to cast a libation of food and drink (non-alcoholic) into a pond or lake as a gift of thanksgiving to the deity/deities associated with the holiday. This is not only very historically accurate to what many cultures have done for millennia, but your gift is often greatly appreciated by the area wildlife.
4. Keep incense lighting to indoor contexts: when you light incense outside, you risk not only fire that can more easily get out of hand, but mis-interpretation by passersby. Also recognize that many parks have strict rules against any sort of burning outside of fire pits/grills; you can get into a lot of trouble over fire-even incense!
5. Replace bonfires with symbolic fires: when a ritual or custom calls for a bonfire, consider using lit or un-lit candles and incense.
6. Embrace plant life: all life is connected. Connect to it-and deity–with your touch. Caressing a plant is a wonderful way to remind yourself of the beauty, wonder, and divinity around you.
7. No matter what you practice or believe, prioritize safety over ritual. Accidents happen, especially when working around fire. Invest in those little aids like snuffers and water vessels that make you safer!

Shaming Poverty: One Person’s Stereotypes Leads to Personal Humiliation While Buying Food

This was another one of my Yahoo Voices articles where the trolls lingered.

 

Myths Concerning Unemployed, Poor Persist Despite Prolonged Great Recession

November 3rd, 2013

Saturday October 26th. After working all week at my holiday temp job, I go to my neighborhood Dollar General to buy some milk and a couple frozen dinners for work. Earlier this month I stocked up on groceries, knowing my work schedule offered little time for cooking, reducing my food stamp total to less than $15 for the rest of the month.

At checkout, my total exceeds my remaining balance by about three dollars — nothing major — until the clerk asked me a question no one asked me since I was six years old buying a soda from my allowance. “Do you have money to pay for that?” she snarled unapologetically.

What? I thought to myself, keenly aware she was talking about just three dollars and change.

Caught off guard, I replied yes simply, showing her my debit card while she scowled over the split payment transaction. Leaving the store, the humiliation set in. Despite my professional dress and demeanor, this woman assumed (incorrectly) that I had no way to pay the three dollar balance owed, something no one ever communicated to me since I was a child buying small items from my allowance. Across dozens of mixed food and non food purchases at the same store, my capacity to pay for the non food items never came into question — until this purchase.

So why assume I could not pay — especially in face of my clean, well-cared for clothes and professional conduct?

The answer has to be rooted in persisting stereotypes about the poor, working poor, andunemployed. Despite the length of this Great Recession and high unemployment numbers, especially here in Johnstown where the unemployment rate in August was 8.7% (1.4% higher than the national average, and 1% above the Pennsylvania average), our culture still equates poverty with laziness, criminal activity, mental illness, and drug addiction — none of which apply to me, something self evident in my prolific work for Yahoo Voices and the seventeen editions of my twonovels, all self-published within a span of just eleven months.

On the flip side, my white cane leads to the assumption by those with little experience with the differently abled that my sight loss is sufficient for me to be dependent on federal disability payments. Few people realize that the federal definition of “legally blind” is 20/200 vision — compared with Pennsylvania’s 20/70 threshold which my 20/80 vision meets.

That is to say, I’m too blind to drive and too blind to work in industrial settings (where most of the few local jobs are) — but not blind enough to receive cash assistance from the federal government, Instead, the assistance I’ve received comes through Pennsylvania’s vocational rehabilitation program offering me some adaptive technologies (such as my white cane, large ruled paper, and a special desk lamp) designed to help me re-enter the work place.

No matter how you cut it, the words cut sharply at my pride. For I understand that while abuse of unemployment assistance, food stamps, and other programs designed to support the poor happens, the number of people who actually fit the stereotypes are very small — despite what politicians may claim. Most people receiving food stamps do so because the alternative is starving, not because they do not want to buy their own food.

Given a fair chance, most people receiving government assistance would prefer not to — regardless of age. Ask anyone struggling to scrape by on social security if they would rather be living off saved money in a pension or IRA — or off social security and nearly every person would prefer the former. Ask any long term unemployed person (such as myself) if she or he would rather be working or trying to make do through the help of others and nearly every person would rather be working. As any person working for minimum wage and not able to feed her or his family despite working full time if she or he wants food stamps and you will also hear a resounding “No!”

Americans do not want entitlements. Americans want to pay their own way. We want jobs and living wages. We want to support ourselves. And we want the system to be fair — rewarding hard work, education, and good choices instead of bad choices. For it is truly ironic that a heroine addict on the street readily gets disability assistance from the federal government — something that person chose to do — but my sight loss and hearing loss only affords me scorn and shame.

We can and must do better.

Taste Test: Coffee-mate’s Natural Bliss Coffee Creamer Verses Whipping Cream

Results of blind taste test between Coffee Mate natural bliss verses real cream

The next Yahoo Voices repost is all about coffee and coffee creamers.

Controlled Taste Test Yields No Significant Difference Between Popular Creamer Brand and Farm-fresh Cream

originally posted March 18, 2014

 

I love coffee – you do too! Like you, I like my coffee light and sweet. Yes, I’m a cappuccino gal. I want a little bit of very strong coffee and the rest milk or milk-tasting.

This means I spend a lot of money on coffee creamer options. The market has no shortage of them. Trending right now is Coffee-mate’s “Natural Bliss” line with the sweet cream flavor promoted most heavily in my local supermarket. According to the ingredient list, the creamer is made with milk, cream, sugar, and “natural flavors,” and should be a convenient product – no need to add a separate sweetener.

But how does it taste and is it a good value for your money? To find out, I made two identical 3 ounce cups of ice coffee. In both I put a level ¼ teaspoon of Folgers instant coffee and 2 ounces of whole milk. In one cup I put the serving size of 1 tablespoon of the Coffee-mate creamer. In the other, 1 tablespoon of whipping cream from the local dairy which also happens to be the specified serving size. The Coffee-mate label claims this 1 tablespoon has 35 calories in it verses 45 with the whipping cream.

Stirring the two samples together, the appearance came out very different. As see in this picture, the Coffee-mate looks much darker than my whipping cream sample, even though everything else is the same. The Coffee-mate also did not blend as well with my instant coffee as my whipping cream, leaving more coffee on the bottom of the cup.

Tasting the coffee I was really surprised at the difference. There is absolutely no sugar in the whipping cream sample, so I expect it to taste much less sweet and much bitterer than the Coffee-mate version which does have sugar in it. Instead, I barely noticed a difference. Adding ¼ teaspoon of sugar to the whipping cream sample (remember, these samples are about ¼ the size of a regular cup of coffee) and the two samples were indistinguishable from each other in terms of sweetness and were within difference threshold on the overall taste.

So if you stick to the serving size of 1 tablespoon, this Coffee-mate sweetener equals about ¼ of a teaspoon of sugar to the taste of regular whipping cream. With one teaspoon of sugar equaling 16 calories, ¼ teaspoon of sugar adds 4 calories to the 45 calories for the whipping cream for a total of 49 calories compared to the 35 calories for the Coffee-mate, a savings of 30% on your calories.

Now to the real question: the cost. Everyday price on the Coffee-mate creamer is around $3.00 for 16 ounces. A half pint (8 ounces) of whipping cream runs around $1.50. This means the two options cost essentially the same.

In summary, my experiment yielded no significant difference between the sweet cream flavor of Coffee-mate’s “Natural Bliss” verses using whipping cream with a little sugar.

 

While there is a caloric savings, the difference of 10 calories per serving is not dramatic and is readily offset by the non-biodegradable packaging of the Coffee-mate product verses the paper carton whipping cream is typically sold in. If your community does not offer plastic recycling, you ultimately do better buying cream instead.

Summer Coffee Experiment: Iced Coffee Without the Coffee Maker

It’s hot — too hot for hot coffee.  This is one of my favorite food posts to Yahoo Voices made on August 6th, 2013.

 

Beating the Heat with a Surprising Alternative to Brewed Coffee

 It’s hot out there! If you are like me, and odds are you are, the idea of drinking hot anything just doesn’t have the same appeal as it does in October. So what is a coffee lover supposed to do?Drink iced of course!But iced coffee still has to be brewed — or does it?

This summer I’ve conducted a special coffee experiment: put away the coffee maker and make iced coffee entirely using INSTANT coffee.

Did I just say INSTANT? Yes. I realize this is heresy in the coffee world, but yes! At least on a trial basis, an experiment designed to see if I can avoid heating my apartment, even for several minutes, by way of the coffee maker.

Being picky about coffee, just ANY instant coffee will not do. For the experiment, I bought a three ounce canister of Folgers classic roast crystals. I also opened up a bottle of my favorite flavored creamer –Baileys lately.

Here’s the approximate recipe I’ve used this summer so far:

one to two ounces Baileys creamer
1 to 1/2 tsp instant Folgers classic roast coffee crystals
eight to ten ounces whole milk.

Put each of these in order in a standard 12 ounce glass. Stir vigorously. If the day is especially hot, add one or two ice cubes.

I usually then let the coffee sit for a couple minutes to give any unmixed coffee the chance to saturate — then drink it. No sugar required (and I love my coffee sweet) unless I choose to omit the creamer that day — which tastes just as good with a little sugar added to compensate.

The end product is essentially an iced cafe au lait or iced coffee Americano at least as good as any iced coffee I’ve bought at Starbucks. Cost: about fifty cents per glass, depending on the brand of creamer you use with the milk.

After drinking my coffee this way for the last seven weeks, I’m sold; I just bought another canister of instant Folgers to cover the rest of the summer.

As picky as I am about coffee and food in general, this passes my test. Try it yourself!

Detachment and the Law of Attraction

Self portrait taken January 24, 2014 showing new haircut, new hair style, and black eye makeup.

Tonight I am stepping back from the professional blogging in favor of something personal once more.  Those of you who know me or at least follow my work know that back in December I made a dramatic course change in my life — starting with a change in hair style and color and a new piercing in my ears.  I wear black a lot more now — something my mother discouraged.  But more importantly, a friend of mine introduced me to the movie “The Secret” and the Law of Attraction.

 

The Law of Attraction is a fairly simple idea that thinkers across history have phrased various ways such as “you reap what you sow” and “what goes around comes around.”  It is the idea that like attracts like.  A positive, optimistic attitude will attract positive events and a pessimistic, problem-centric attitude will attract more adversity.  Or thought of another way, it is the idea that as you think, so does your reality become.  Self-fulfilling prophesy.

 

A broad spectrum of teachers talk about how one’s emotions are your best guide to this.  when you feel good about something, you are attracting the positive.  But when you feel not good about something, whatever it is will only hurt you; the wise person turns away from whatever is causing the bad feeling in favor of what feels good.  This is not pleasure seeking so much as letting your emotions communicate to you what is in your sub-conscious mind which itself is the level of yourself where the Law of Attraction operates.

 

So what do you do when you feel neutral?  What does it mean when you really do not feel ANYTHING.

 

I looked this up tonight and found some helpful answers so important that I am blogging 90 minutes past my bed time for the evening.  Here is the full discussion: http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/2418/what-does-detachment-truly-mean-in-law-of-attraction

 

Here is the most useful part of that post:

 

Let’s list a couple of manifestational facts:

• 99% of every manifestation is complete before you see any physical evidence of it – the only way you know then how close you are to seeing physical evidence of it is not through your five physical senses, but instead…how you feel about it. Once you are genuinely feelinghopeful of your manifestation coming, the physical evidence will start appearing…reaching the emotion of hope about a manifestation is the tipping point.
• The neutral point is your friend…this is a favorite saying of mine. It means that if you do not stand in the way of your manifestation, it must come to you. Standing in the way means looking at it and feeling any negative emotion about it not being there yet. Feeling neutral about it is good enough to manifest it eventually.

So what do we get if we apply these to your situation?

We have that…

• Even though you might be on the verge of manifesting your part-time job, the only physical indication you might have that it is almost there is that you are feeling hopeful about it.
• Even if you can’t feel hopeful about it, as long as don’t feel negative emotion about it not having come yet, you will still get it eventually.

So let’s deal right now with wiping out negative emotion about you not having the job yet…I would recommend learning EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). It’s quick, easy, effective and free to learn. There are lots of free videos on YouTube. Every time you think about your situation without a part-time job (and the implications of that), just use EFT to neutralize the negative emotion.

But it’s not much use getting your job eventually since you want it as soon as possible, I presume.

In order to speed up the manifestation of anything, we need to flow more energy towards it. The purest way to flow energy towards something you want is to feel appreciation about it…the feeling of appreciation is actually an indicator of pure energy flow.

So to speed up the manifestation of your part-time job, start making lists of things about that part-time job that make you feel appreciative. Or visualize all the great things that will happen in your life once you get that part-time job. (I recommend getting a copy of Ask & It Is Given  and looking at the manifestational processes listed there).

But here’s the big twist in manifesting…since you are no longer standing in the way of your part-time job (we’ve handled the negative emotion with EFT, remember?), then any pure energy flow (i.e. appreciation) towards anything will automatically manifest your part-time job. This is because that pure energy flow of appreciation is flowing to everything you want at the same time. Sounds counter-intuitive doesn’t it?

In other words, you don’t have to detach from your part-time job to manifest it. You just have to not feel bad about it and then just use something as an excuse to feel appreciation – and that can include things totally unrelated to your part-time job.

Let’s summarize.

The fastest way to manifest something you need (i.e. your part-time job) is the following.

---

Step 1. Get out of the way of your part-time job coming. Neutralize any negative emotion you feel regarding the lack of it.

Step 2. Now find anything in your life to feel good about and keep using that thing (or things) as an excuse for staying in that good-feeling place.