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Repost: 11 Things Truly Successful People Never Do

This morning I found this article from Inc. about success.  The information is so good I have to share!

the universe will remove

“1. Successful people refuse to fit in a box.

“Thinking outside the box” is a business cliché writ large. But truly successful people do more than that–they live outside the box.

They don’t let other people define them, whether those other people are malicious or well-meaning. They don’t listen to the jealous boss who tells them that they’ll never be a leader. Perhaps more important, they don’t hedge their ambitions because a parent or a teacher told them that–for example–they’re “good with numbers” but not creative, or an excellent team player but not a leader. They don’t just develop their strengths. They define their strengths.

Challenge: What external expectation do you need to let go of?

2. Successful people don’t bear grudges.

It takes a lot of effort to win a battle. But when you bear grudges, it’s like you’re fighting a war that only one side even knows about.

Sure, if we bothered, most of us could probably dig deep into our pasts and find a time when we were wronged–almost unforgivably wronged. Even thinking about it, however, hands another victory to whoever wronged you. Direct your energy at something else–the things you truly care about.

Challenge: We all hold on to some things too long. What transgression do you need to forgive?

3. Successful people refuse to argue over “nothings.”

Again: wasted energy.

You’re not going to convince that diehard Trump/Hillary/Bernie supporter on Facebook to change his or her mind. Truly successful people spend their energy on things they can truly affect.

Challenge: What deeply held conviction holds you back? Are you prepared to let it go?

4. Successful people refuse to quit.

Successful people are often more successful simply because they work harder. And they work harder in part because the work they do doesn’t feel like work–at least, it doesn’t feel like drudgery. Their work is the kind of thing they’d do even if they weren’t paid for it (and sometimes, they aren’t!).

However, whether it’s rewarding or not, they don’t ignore the important work that needs to be done.

Challenge: You don’t have to say it aloud, but when was the last time you blew off something important and covered it with excuses? Are you planning to do it again anytime soon?

5. Successful people never betray their values.

At the end of everything, what else do you have besides your deeply held values?

Maybe you have a deep religious faith. Maybe you think it’s wrong to eat meat. Maybe you’d never root for an American League baseball team because you think the designated hitter ruined the sport. These are your values, not mine, my friend–and I’m sure they’re tested all the time. Truly successful people don’t have a lot of non-negotiables, but the ones they do have are sacrosanct.

Challenge: Can you articulate your core values? Even more important, are they obvious to others?

6. Successful people never betray friends or family.

Of course, this doesn’t mean letting yourself be rolled over. You have to stick up for yourself. However, truly successful people know that if your close family and true friends can’t trust you, why would anyone else?

Challenge: Um, when was the last time you called your folks?

7. Successful people never lose sight of their goals.

Identifying and pursuing your goals means the difference between spinning your wheels and actually getting somewhere. You’ll put in the same effort regardless of how well you focus on objectives, but if your aim is deficient, chances are that you’ll just be helping someone else achieve his or her goals.

Challenge: Can you articulate your three most important goals? What have you done today to make them come true?

8. Successful people combat self-doubt in all its forms.

Fear is normal, even healthy–but defeatism is a disease. I’m not sure where it comes from, but we all face it. Successful people refuse to give in, but what’s more, they make it part of their mission to help other people overcome self-doubt, too.

The easiest way to do that? Demonstrate respect for others in all that you do.

Challenge: Have you built up someone else’s ego today? If not, is it because you’re afraid that doing so will tear down your own self-worth? (Overcome that!)

9. Successful people refuse to betray their health.

Another non-negotiable. None of us lives forever, yet the temptation is always there to trade fitness, or sleep, or well-being for a pauper’s price–a few extra bucks, a little bit of esteem in a boss’s eyes. Truly successful people have no room for that in their lives. Their health is one of their top priorities.

Challenge: What’s the one thing you should do differently to ensure you have a better chance at living a long time–and well?

10. Successful people refuse to be dominated by others.

We all face bullies in our lives. Truly successful people don’t put up with them. They find ways to prevail. They don’t necessarily fight the other guy on his turf, but they find a way to win.

Beware that you don’t contradict the rule about not holding grudges with this one, but successful people find that standing up for themselves often means standing up to someone else.

Challenge: Who are the bullies you know? What have you done to offset their impact on others?

11. Successful people never give in to competition.

This is a multifaceted element. Successful people never run from competition–but they don’t let themselves be suckered into being measured by somebody else’s rules. They understand the wisdom of the reverse of that old lottery slogan: “You can’t lose if you refuse to play.”

At the same time, when they win, they can take a compliment. Truly successful people don’t gloat, but they also don’t minimize their contributions when other people are eager to offer them praise.

Challenge: What competitions are you engaging in that aren’t truly worthwhile?”

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The Law of Attraction: Sorting Facts from Fiction

In my last post I explained how in 2014 I was duped into joining whole cloth the Law of Attraction Movement.  It came to me at a time of fear of the future (especially concerning my financial health) when I felt most lost and vulnerable.  The person who insisted I watch “The Secret” claims to be an actual demon in human form.  This alone should have told me to run, not walk away, especially given my spirituality and past experiences with malicious spirits (aka “demons”).  Instead, the person’s glamour and misdirection of my own instincts (which were just starting to call me home to Wales) deceived me into trying to win his love and approval by making myself into the person he wanted.  The law of attraction movement was at the heart of that.

Background with a Planet, Moon and Star

Law of Attraction teachers like Abraham Hicks focus on emotion as the way to attain what you want in life.

The reason why the Law of Attraction Movement is so popular is because so much of it is based on solid psychology, social psychology, and sociology.  Most of it is actually good advice.  The problem is the 20-30% of it that is NOT solid and leads people into the wrong direction, often for the financial gain of the movement’s “teachers.”  It is for that reason that the Law of Attraction Movement (not the core idea itself) is a scam that predates on people’s worries about the future, the instinct to grow and improve oneself, and in the primal instinct to believe in something or someone greater and more powerful than oneself.

So what is the solid stuff worth listening to?  What parts of the advice given actually works?  Let’s take a look in detail:

  • Your assessment of a situation matters.  That is to say that how you look at something in your life or a potential future event is absolutely critical to your success or failure.  If you see a task as impossible then it will be simply because no one looks for solutions to problems that cannot be solved.  By contrast if you see a situation as easily dealt with then you will quickly find the actions that make this the case.  Your assessment forms a self-fulfilling prophesy.  You fail when you see no way to succeed and you succeed when you believe you can.

Law of Attraction teachers talk about situation assessment in terms of emotions.  It’s all about FEELINGS.  Your feelings need to be the barometer of everything because feelings work on a deeper level of the mind than your thoughts do.

The problem here:  all emotions are based on your thoughts and attitudes, not the other way around as the LoA teachers would have you think.  That is to say that if you want to change how you feel about something you need to change your mind about it.  Thoughts are the controlling factor here, at least once the ego/conscious self forms at around the age of six years old.  For example if you think all Muslims are terrorists then your feelings about Muslims will probably be categorically of a suspicious, fearful, or perhaps even hateful nature.  These feelings will then in turn alter how to behave when it comes to meeting someone or hearing about someone who is Muslim.

The Law of Attraction movement focuses on FEELINGS.  In particular, Abraham Hicks teaches that if you have any sort of "negative" feelings then you will only attract negative things to your life.

The Law of Attraction movement focuses on FEELINGS. In particular, Abraham Hicks teaches that if you have any sort of “negative” feelings then you will only attract negative things to your life.

Law of Attraction teachers tend to skip the attitude part of this when they focus on feelings.  In doing so, they take away your best and most effective tool for changing your life.  This is also why education is so vital to changing our lives.  Education empowers us with knowledge which then shapes our emotions and behaviours.

  • Barriers to success are in your mind.  When we assess situations we are quick to find the reasons why something cannot be done or is otherwise difficult/impossible to achieve.  This in turn blocks us from figuring out how to do something and achieve our goals.

Most Law of Attraction teachers focus on emotions.  The barriers to your manifesting the life you want are not in your thoughts but in the emotions you feel.  It says that “good” emotions attract good things and bad emotions attract bad things.  That in turn makes us judge ourselves quite harshly because no one can be euphoric or feel good all the time about absolutely everything — and if you do, there’s probably something unhealthy at work there!

In truth, the barriers we put between ourselves and our goals tend to be psychological and mental, not emotional.  We say, “I cannot ____ because _____.”  That because can be anything, but usually a situation or a feeling about a situation.  The feeling is not the problem because the feeling changes the moment we change our minds about something.  And genuinely there are some emotions we really do need.  We need to be angry when someone rapes someone.  We need to feel sad when someone we love dies.  We need to feel outrage at an injustice.  These feelings motivate us to make changes and set new goals.

For example, I feel disappointed and upset at the results of the 2015 Parliamentary Election in the United Kingdom; I adore Ed Miliband and really wanted him to become prime minister.  Negative emotion.  Except that in those feelings I have a determination to fight harder, to get more involved in politics, and to actually stand for MP once I become legally eligible to do so.  Negative feelings about David Cameron staying in office has made me decide to chart a new career path!

And that is the value of negative emotions, the very emotions that Law of Attraction teachers tell you will only bring more negative experiences into your life.

  • Focus on what you want to achieve, not how or when you achieve. There is always more than one way to achieve a goal.  A former friend of mine put this as the number fourteen.  How many ways can you reach the number fourteen in arithmetic?  If you see just seven plus seven then you are missing the other fifty plus ways to reach that number.  That is what we tend to do though.  We think that each goal or challenge can only be accomplished ONE WAY.  What is worse:  we tend to set specific time perimeters for achieving this.

Here the Law of Attraction teachers are dead on right.  Too often we do say “this is the way to get what I want” or “I have to have x goal by y date.  Reality is that the universe has its own way and own timing.  Everything happens the way it does in the timing it does because that is the best and easiest way for it to happen.  The key here is to keep your mind and heart open so you can take advantage of the opportunities that come your way.

  • You reap what you sow.  This is the actual law of attraction.  It is the principle that like attracts like that is well documented in social psychology.  Contrary to the popular cliche, opposites repel, not attract. At its core it says, correctly, that your attitudes, emotions, and behaviour have consequences which are similar to whatever the original attitude, emotion, and/or behaviour was.  If you smile, people will smile back at you.  If you yell at someone, that person is likely to yell back at you.  If you hurt someone, you will be hurt back.  If you show interest in someone else’s accomplishments, they will be or at least much more likely to be interested in yours.

The law of attraction itself is not the problem with the law of attraction movement.  The law is solid social psychology explaining the nature of the consequences for our behaviour. The problem with the law of attraction movement is its focus on just the feeling side of this instead of the action side.  If I feel good about something, something good is automatically going to come out of it.

Feelings are great.  But it’s not feelings in isolation that makes things happen.  It’s action.  In the law of attraction movement feelings are put above everything else.  But if you never act on your feelings, you stay where you are.  Things do not change.  Those in the movement with things to sell will say the problem is that your feelings were not lined up correctly — and we can fix that when you buy this item or experience.  Read that SCAM.

Though Law of Attraction teachers do tell you that action is important, this part of the equation is downplayed and rarely discussed in favour of emotions and how to fix your emotions.

There is a solution

But the real key to success in life is taking ACTION.  Not just any action though — it’s easy to get on the hamster wheel and tire yourself out — the hamster wheel is usually what makes us vulnerable to the scam in the first place.  Instead it is INSPIRED ACTION that makes everything happen.  That is to say ACTION WITH CLEAR DIRECTION. It’s relaxing about the how and when in a situation, quieting your mind, and letting your mind solve the problem.  Do not force it.  Do not struggle.  Your mind is expert at solving puzzles; that’s what the human brain does best.  Relax, let the answers come to you, and then act on the answers.  That is what inspired action is.  That is what brings you true success in life.

And best of all, you don’t need to buy a book, a seminar, a cruise, or anything else.  The answers actually lie within your own mind, your own heart, and within your own existing abilities.

The Human Touch: Thoughts about the Teachings of Esther/Abraham Hicks

I am really into the Law of Attraction.  I believe in and the power that our thoughts make on our reality and what comes to us.

negative emotion is

One of the best known lecturers on The Law of Attraction is Esther Hicks who is allegedly channeling a group of beings collectively known as “Abraham.”  While the advice given is generally sound, I do confess a certain unease at the whole channeling thing; it smacks of a scam, especially given there are books, DVDs, CDs, cruises, seminars, and so forth for sale in great abundance.  People pay lots of money for an audience with Abraham and to get a personalized reading of sorts from them in the hopes of turning their lives around.

In such a context it becomes a bit of a minefield as one searches for truly helpful affirmations and advice from all the clutter.

Abraham Hicks emotionKey to the philosophy taught is that emotions are on a sort of hierarchical scale ranked from good to bad.  These are allegedly arranged by vibration — a high vibration emotion is certain to attract what you really want in the LoA while a low vibration emotion is said to greatly hinder you in manifesting it.

In  general there is a measure of common sense to it.  Obviously if you are hateful and vindictive, you are not going to attract love.  Like attracts like.  So hate bring more hate.  This really is common sense.  It speaks to the core of the law of attraction — you reap what you sow!

But a side effect inevitably comes when you rank order your emotions:  you repress the ones that you judge wrong or inappropriate.  That is to say you still have the emotions because they are part of the human experience. They make us Sentient spiritual creatures.  There is no capacity to love if there is absolutely no capacity to hate as well; the capacity for BOTH is what defines each on both a psychological and practical level.

So to love you have to also be able to hate.  To trust, you have to be able to not trust.  To be honest, you have to possess the ability to lie.  This is also what I find troubling and unrealistic about the ways that Christians talk about God.  If God is ONLY LOVE, COMPASSION, FORGIVENESS, ETC and CANNOT experience those other things as well then is God truly a Sentient and living being and therefore objectively existing at all?  No wonder it is easy for atheists to argue that God was created by humankind and not the reverse!

And so we are brought back to this organization of emotions.  What happens to you psychologically when you tell yourself “I’m only allowed to feel THESE emotions?”  Answer:  you repress the other ones.  This in turn means you put up walls within your mind and spirit which, intentional or not, naturally grow into walls between yourself and other people.  You end up FEELING LESS.  Empathy wanes.  You lose the ability to understand and relate to other people.  This in turn makes you LESS LOVING, LESS COMPASSIONATE, LESS HAPPY.

In cutting yourself off from the emotions Abraham says are bad for you, you ultimately destroy your own humanity and the best parts of yourself. This in turn makes it easier for you to harm yourself and harm others.  It is, after all, the person who feels the least, who is cut off from her or his emotions that is most capable of destructive behavior — to self and others.

permission to walk away

And this is the danger point with Abraham and why it would be perhaps correct to label them as demons or manipulative spirits.

That is not to say that they are completely wrong.  But each assertion needs to be thought about and weighed for its value with a focus on balance.  Instead of arranging emotions from “good” to “bad” recognize that all emotions all important.

I am no longer a Christian, but I see the wisdom in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Abraham would have us believe that if we experience both sides that we are harming ourselves.  In reflection I disagree.  We are only harming ourselves if we 1) repress emotions instead of embrace them or 2) focus our energy on hurtful emotions (and therefore attract more hurt to our lives).

Tulips Bouquet

There are many sources of wisdom and inspiration.  The human experience has no limit to these.  Balance comes from applying wisdom from MANY sources of inspiration — from Christianity, from Judaism, from Islam; from Wicca, from Buddhism and Daoism, from Shamanism, from Asatru, and a thousand voices from across time and space.

Embrace your humanity.  Feel your feelings.  Keep your focus on what you want and always phrase everything positively.  Look honestly at your life and think about what barriers your mind projects between the direction you choose for yourself and achieving it.  Believe and have faith and confidence in your ability to achieve and reach what you focus.  Say “I WILL” instead of “I want.”

The law of attraction is powerful. It is common sense. But even as mindfulness about it offers the potential to bring great good and joy in our lives, how we go about it also makes a difference.  For when we wall up part of our emotions in our pursuit of happiness we ultimately destroy our ability to feel, to connect, and therefore be truly happy.

Repost: Six Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts

permission to walk awayBack in December I received a great article from a law of attraction newsletter called “7 Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts.”  The seventh tip was a sales pitch, but the other six tips are good and useful.  Here is that article, minus the sales pitch, in full.

#1. Think about something or someone you like

 Maybe even write a list of ten things that you like, and spend your time thinking about them. This can help you put a smile on you face easily and distract the negative thoughts.
#2. Be grateful
Write down the things or people in your life that you are grateful for. Being grateful helps appreciate what you already have and move your focus to gratitude. The mind can only hold one thought at a time, so if you are thinking about the things you are thankful for, there is no more room for negative thoughts to exist.
#3. Go out and help someone
By helping someone, you move your focus from the negative thoughts you have to the solution thoughts that help solve someone’s problem.

#4. Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive. For example, instead of thinking, “We are going to have a hard time adjusting to our living situation,” think, “We will face some challenges in our living situation, but we will come up with solutions that we will both be happy with.”

#5. Surround yourself with positive people
When you’re stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking.
#6. Read positive quotes
There are plenty of places online that you can go and look for positive and inspirational quotes. These quotes are powerful because they can change your emotional state quickly.

Reblog: The Magic Formula

Today’s post from Abraham Hicks is timely for this start of the holiday season:  appreciate what you have right now.

Richard Mann LinkedIn

I am happy and thankful that Richard Mann will narrate “Catherine de Valois” in 2015. Gratitude for the small things opens the door to receiving bigger dreams and goals — like my dream to immigrate to England and work with Mr. Mann in person instead of from 3600 miles away.

“If you will make this small effort to appreciate you and what is yours NOW, you will soften, so quickly, any resistance that has been keeping you apart from the things you want. 

It is the magic formula that you’ve been looking for. 

It is the key to your blending. 

It is the key to your allowing. 

It is the key to you getting what you want. 

It is the key to your abundance, your clarity, and to your stamina. 

It is the key to your energy. 

It is the key to your vitality. 

It is the key to your flexibility. 

It is the key to your wellness. 

It is the key to all things that feel good to you. 

Make some small effort, every chance you get, at looking at where you stand NOW and doing your best to soothe and appreciate you NOW, to soothe and appreciate your NOW.” 

Abraham Hicks

 

 

Reblog: Make Momentum Your Friend

The latest from Abraham Hicks is all about momentum.

Make Momentum Your Friend

Thinking British is the surest way to become British.

Thinking British is the surest way to become British.

“When something really matters a lot, it tends to get really an inordinate amount of your attention.

And when it´s moving into the direction you don´t want it to move, than that inordinate attention increases the momentum.

And the thing that is so confounding about it, to you, that thing that makes you feel that disgust and rage, is – a part of you knows, that it doesn´t have to be that way.

A part of you knows, that you are smarter than this, a part of you knows that if you just could get hold of it and apply yourself in a different way – you could turn it around!

We want you to make MOMENTUM your friend, too!

The thing we so want to convey to you in a way that you can really feel it, is that sliding in opposition to what you want DOES NOT INDICATE BAD CREATION.

It indicates strong determination!

If you really want something, and you are focussed in opposition to it, it´s really really uncomfortable.

If you don´t care at all, then your opposition-thought doesn´t hinder you, at all.

And so, when you feel strong about something, as you do there is very very very good news, in that.

And the good news is:

There is strong, strong, strong, strong, STRONG momentum!

Now we want to help you understand something about momentum!

Because, so far in this conversation, it felt like we´r talking about momentum, that´s taking you into the OPPOSITE direction of where you want to be!

But momentum -ahhhh- momentum is NEVER EVER taking you into the opposite direction of where you want to be!

HEAR THIS!

Momentum is ALWAYS source energy, moving TOWARDS something you really really want!

But in opposite vibration, in opposing personal thought-vibration, the momentum that is really leading TOWARDS where you want to go, feels AWFUL while you are pulling against it!

Now, did you get that??

THIS MOMENTUM -this is not a downward-slide, that you are upon, this is an onward slide, this is the Universe, lining everything up, to give you everything that you want!

THAT´S WHAT´S REALLY HAPPENING!

But where you are standing within it, and almost everybody would understand it – you are pulling in such opposition that it FEELS to you, that the momentum is going in the opposite direction – because you´r taking score of current manifestations instead of understanding the power of the momentum!

It would be a little bit like, if you would be garnering the empathise, that you where going to shoot something far far far out into space- but so far, the rocket hasn´t been launched.

So, it´s just sitting there- in a resistant state!

In other words, it wants to go, but they got it all strapped down, and so it looks like it´s going to tear the whole launchpad up, if somebody won´t cut it loose and let it GO- and THAT´s what we want you to focus on, here!

This momentum, that feels like downward-spiral, is NOT a downward-spiral.

It´s an upward-spiral, that you are not flowing with, yet.

That´s all that it is.”

Abraham Hicks

Repost: 5 Simple Ways to Say No

Women/ValidationA few days ago I received this fantastic article in my email about how to say “no” to people.  As women, most of us are trained to NOT say “no” no matter how badly we need to say it.  We are told we are selfish, arrogant, and so forth.  But “no” is the most important word any woman can say.

 

Here is Dharma Rose’s Advice on the matter:

“Do you find it hard to say “no”?

If so, you’re not alone.

Many people find themselves saying “yes” to things they don’t really want to agree to out of fear they’ll appear selfish or rude… or in an effort to avoid conflict or hurting another person’s feelings.

Saying “no” isn’t always easy, but it IS vital to your own self care.

You see, healthy people have healthy boundaries, and part of being healthy is occasionally saying no to requests, situations or people that you can’t or don’t want to accommodate.

Here are 5 simple ways that you can say no with ease, power and grace:

Tactic #1: The Full Plate

If you’re way too busy to accommodate the person’s request, let them know you’re slammed and that you simply have no time to fit what they’re asking you to do into your schedule.

“I’m sorry, I’d love to help you, but my schedule is crazy today/this week/this month and there’s no way I can fit this in.”

Tactic #2: The Think-About-It

If you’re not sure if you can fit the person’s request in, or if you’re dealing with someone who is super pushy, consider buying yourself a little time to think about what they’re asking of you and to get back to them on your own terms.

“Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”

Tactic #3: The Boomerang

Are you super busy? Or in the middle of something else? You can ask the person to come back to you later on when you have more time to listen to and consider their request.

“I’m in the middle of juggling a few things right now. Can you please ask me again in a couple of hours/days/weeks? I’ll have a bit more headspace then to consider what you’re asking.”

Tactic #4: The Counter Offer

If you can’t or don’t want to agree to the person’s request for whatever reason, but you’d still really like to help them out, consider making a counter offer for a lesser commitment that works better for you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you move on Saturday. But I CAN come by for a few hours to help you pack on Friday evening. Does that work?”

Tactic #5: The Firm No

The simplest way to say no is to simply… say no! You can be direct and let the person know that what they’re asking of you just doesn’t work for you, and you’ll be surprised how often people will respect a firm, direct no.

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

As you practice declining requests that don’t align with your schedule, values or needs, you’ll find that saying no becomes easier and easier…

And that you’ll have more time for yourself, the commitments you already have and the things that are most important to you.

Rock your day!

Dharma Rose
Abundant Entrepreneur